Reclaiming Masculinity: Navigating the Complexities of Toxic Behavior and Traditional Virtues
The term 'toxic masculinity,' like other psychological terms such as 'narcissist' and 'sociopath,' has been used and misused so much in modern culture that it's hard to have a clear conversation about it. In this article we will examine the startling origin of the term, its subsequent reinterpretation, it's modern misuse and finally, expose it for the challenge that it is.
Origin and Original Meaning
The term originated in 1980's and was coined by Shepherd Bliss who was a prominent figure in the pro-feminist men's movement of the 1980's. He was one of the co-founders of the Mythopoetic Men's Movement, which emerged during that decade. This movement aimed to explore and redefine traditional concepts of masculinity and promote personal growth and self-awareness among men.
This was not in itself a remarkable movement. The 1980's and '90's saw an explosion of all types of men's movements from groups that were pro- feminist, or pro men's rights, or advocating a return to primal man, or seeking a spiritual awakening. The list is long and incredibly diverse. So a pro-feminist men's movement that drew upon myths, folklore, and storytelling as a means for men to explore their own identities and the roles they played in society was by no means earth-shattering.
The Mythopoetic Men's Movement sought to encourage men to break free from rigid gender stereotypes and explore a more authentic and emotionally connected way of being. They taught that men should learn from our ancestors and retrieve wisdom from the past that can be applied to the lives of men today. Their ideal man was the opposite of the urban industrial man in that he lived more primal, with stronger father-son connections, male bonding, and a close relationship with the land.
Most critical to our discussion was his creation of the term "toxic masculinity" which in addition to the general negative view of modern man meant specifically that part of the male psyche that is abusive towards and dismissive of women, children and even other men. Bliss' father was in the military and to Bliss his authoritarian father was the physical embodiment of the term.
Yoga and Prison Culture
We might have never known about Bliss' movement or his new phrase. After all, he only publicly wrote about it as an editor of the Yoga Journal, and his movement only reached a few thousand people. However, the term reappeared in a 1990 article in The New Republic by Daniel Gross, titled 'The Gender Rap: 'Toxic Masculinity' and Other Male Troubles.' Gross acknowledged Bliss as its creator.
But for all their efforts to bring the term into widespread use, the diversity of men's movements and any efforts to re-imagine masculinity fell on deaf ears. The 1980's and '90's were a time of prosperity, possibilities and action heroes. Popular culture, especially movies and TV, glamorized stereotypes of heroic masculinity to a ridiculously degree.
The term fell into relative obscurity, but the idea was a seed that germinated in the early 2000s. In a study published in 2005, psychiatrist Dr. Terry A. Kupers redefined the term as; “Toxic masculinity is the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence.”
Kupers studied the behavior of men in the prison environment most of his professional career. He incorporated another concept also from the early '80's; "hegemonic masculinity." The fundamental idea of "hegemonic masculinity" is that of a dominant masculinity in any given situation that supersedes all other masculinities around it. This idea is popularized in today's culture as being the "alpha male."
Prisoners and Toxic Behavior
“Hegemonic masculinity” was first coined in 1982 by Professor Emerita Raewyn Connell and her co-authors in a study titled "Making the Difference: Schools, Families and Social Division." Kupers incorporated their concept into his study of prisoner behavior and came to the conclusion that the prison environment and the resulting prisoner behavior it drives is toxic masculinity in its purest form.
In his view, environment, culture and racism had shut these men off from being able to express their masculinity in any positive sense. This outside reality caused them to resort to expressing their masculinity in “negative ways” like crime. In prison, where the lack of personal autonomy and authority was complete, the behavioral toxicity was equally complete. Fascinatingly, in this original work he seemed to avoid defining "toxic masculinity" as masculinity in general, but as the behavior resulting from being unable to appropriately express traditional masculinity in a positive way.
However, in later years and further writings, Kupers would expand this concept and go on to say that the behavior he witnessed in prison was not that much different from how men behaved in general in the outside world. This brings us to the modern concept of toxic masculinity where the lines between toxic male behavior and positive male behavior are blurred to the point of being indistinguishable to many.
Tradition and Modern Marketing
Why is it so hard for us to distinguish between positive and toxic masculinity today? It's important to note that the behaviors labeled as toxic masculinity today don't stem from traditional masculinity itself but rather from distortions of masculinity perpetuated by marketing and entertainment.
Traditional masculinity emphasizes qualities like education, honor, responsibility, and protectiveness. Historically, men are expected to provide for their families, be strong leaders, defend their homes and communities, and avoid allowing emotion to override sound judgement. These values are distinct from the negative aspects often associated with toxic masculinity, such as unwarranted aggression, abusive dominance and emotional decisions.
In the last 70 years, there have been many ads and media showing stereotyped and exaggerated ideas of what it means to be a man. As we mentioned above, the Hollywood stereotypes of exaggerated masculinity they portrayed through countless action movies and television series have done much to distort the principles of masculinity into something unrecognizable. These portrayals often promote extreme-competitiveness, abusive dominance, and emotionally based decisions as desirable traits. These skewed representations have greatly contribute to the development and celebration of toxic behaviors.
Don't make wise financial decisions, go with that emotional reward one gets from buying that fancy car, that big house, the new shoes, the expensive watch. Don't be committed to one woman and focus on raising a family, go with that emotional reward one get's from one sexual conquest or adventure after another. Be a James Bond, or a Tyler Durden or the Terminator. Don't be a Mike Brady, or a John Walton or a Jim Anderson. Don't seek to improve yourself through study and hard work. Be a celebrity. Don't be a scholar, warrior, poet and king.
Marketing's effectiveness lies in its ability to persuade individuals to purchase items they may not necessarily require in order to make an impression on others, often those they aren't personally acquainted with. Marketing like this fails when you are focused, disciplined, learning and growing. It is precisely this, the countless millions of ads, shows, movies, songs and images that are corrupting our sense of what is truly positive masculinity and replacing it with a pale imitation that is poisoning our lives, our families and our culture.
Masculinity and Toxic Accusations
Traditional masculinity is not inherently toxic. Not even remotely. Traditional masculinity has been the bedrock of every civilization throughout history and the failure of masculinity has been the downfall of them as well. When the men of a nation become weak, the nation is doomed. When they pursue pleasure instead discipline, when they react emotionally instead of wisely, and when they fail to stand firm on principles and seek easy paths instead, then they cannot blame the outcome on traditional masculinity.
What is toxic is the toxic behavior of toxic individuals. Toxic behavior can be expressed by men and women alike. Femininity and Masculinity stand apart from toxic behavior precisely because we can recognize toxic behavior by its departure from traditional and positive feminine and masculine behavior. We don't accuse the ruler of being crooked when someone draws a crooked line without using it.
It's worth noting that today, behaviors perceived as toxic, which deviate from traditional masculinity, are sometimes used as an attack on traditional masculinity. This dynamic is perplexing, as it essentially blames the standard for the negative outcomes of not meeting it. Traditional masculinity is no more to blame for the actions of toxic men who fail to live up to its principles than algebra is to blame for someone's lack to of ability to calculate a simple addition problem.
Additionally, the very same traditional masculine behaviors that should be distinguished from toxic behavior are being relied upon to counter this false concept of toxic masculinity. When those who are attacking traditional masculinity under the false banner of toxic masculinity cry out that men should stand up and oppose toxic masculinity, the very traits they want them to display are the actual principles of traditional masculinity.
Truth and Real Dialogue
Now that we've explored the history and evolution of the term "toxic masculinity," it's time to look for honest solutions to a very real problem. Toxic male behavior does exist. That is true. What is needed is a meaningful dialogue about masculinity and how masculinity can solve the problem of toxic behavior in men. Here's what we can do:
Educate: Take the time to learn more about the real principles of traditional masculinity and their positive impacts on individuals and society. Read books, study history and engage in discussions with people from diverse backgrounds to gain a more comprehensive perspective.
Discuss: Initiate conversations about masculinity, not just among men but with everyone. Encourage respectful discussions that allow for different viewpoints and experiences to be shared.
Challenge: Be mindful of the misperceptions, stereotypes and biases that may influence our perceptions of traditional masculinity. Challenge these stereotypes in our own thinking and in the conversations we have with others.
Reject: Stand against the pale imitations of masculinity promoted in our entertainment, marketing and education. Apply the principles of masculinity in their proper role of defending our families, communities and culture from the consequences of pursuing these fake ideals.
Promote: Advocate for the positive aspects of traditional masculinity, such as responsibility, honor, and protectiveness. Encourage men to be engaged, connected and to seek personal growth while rejecting toxic behaviors.
Acknowledge: Confront the reality that as men we all fall short of the ideals from time to time, and we need help from our brothers to get back on the right path. We have a duty and responsibility to each other to lift one another up and to hold the line together.
In conclusion, the concept of "toxic masculinity" has an interesting history, and its definition and application has evolved over time. It's essential to have discussions surrounding masculinity that are not about vilifying all men or traditional values, but instead are about identifying and addressing the harmful behaviors and stereotypes that are detrimental to individuals and society. Toxic behavior is a real problem, and traditional masculinity can guide the way to a proper solution.
As men, it is our failing to meet the standards and ideals of masculinity that is a source of the problem. We need to change, and remember that the path to personal change begins with understanding and honesty. Together, we can reclaim and celebrate traditional masculinity in a way that benefits us all.